


i miss you

by pandabrite



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, One Shot, a companion piece to the barry thing i wrote the other day kinda, idk it's sad boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabrite/pseuds/pandabrite
Summary: trapped in a prison she made for herself, lup remembers the people she loves the most.





	i miss you

**Author's Note:**

> day 21 nanowrimo taz stuff hhhh. prompt was 'i miss you.' this is kinda along the same vein as estranged, which i wrote for the last prompt. just exploring their feelings at being alone, i guess.

**Lonely**  
_\- adjective_

> 1\. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.

**\---**

_“... I miss you…”_

Her words hung heavily on the air, and in the air they resonated to no one. They were words so pointless that she didn’t even know why she bothered to speak them-- maybe only to remember that she had a voice, that she could speak, even if no one could hear.

Her isolation was so absolute that it threatened to tear her apart. She was trapped, the black velvet around her a prison that pressed in closer and closer with each passing moment.

She was not a patient woman, but she had to become one. She had to learn patience like a child learning to walk. 

There was no other option. She couldn’t die. She couldn’t live. She was trapped in between, caught in a trap she’d so cleverly laid for herself. 

Some days were easier than others. Some days were harder than others.

_Today… today was a hard day._

Hours spiraled into days spiraled into weeks spiraled into years…

How long would it be until someone found her..? What happened to her friends? Her family? What happened to her lover? What happened to her brother?

It was bad enough to be separated from the people who meant the most to her… it was worse to not know their fates. 

Some days, she wondered if they looked for her. Don’t be stupid, she reminded herself, of course they did. They wouldn’t just let her walk away and not return… she knew Barry better than that. She knew Taako better than that. But, God, she… prayed to whatever fucking deity would listen that they wouldn’t think she was gone of her own will… that she would leave them forever on _purpose._

If she never saw them again, then she… fuckin’ hoped they knew she loved them. That she wouldn’t ever stop. That she would exist here forever thinking about them, about her special family. About her home. About the home she found in the presence of six other people…

Lup had tucked herself in the thick velvet curtains of her prison. 

The cool, silken surface was a poor substitution for the touch of someone else. She would make due. She always had to make due. 

She missed Barry. She missed late nights with him, listening to him talk at length about the things he was passionate about. She missed his steadfast nature and his stubbornness… she missed flustered way he’d react when she caught him staring at her… she missed his warmth, his honesty, and the way he loved with reckless abandon. What she wouldn’t give to steal away with him on a cool summer night again, to spend the night like a couple of teenagers… to escape the responsibility and weight of their lives for a few hours… To… To just be _fuckin’_ held again by someone who gave a shit. 

She missed Taako. Without Taako, she was a shell. Barry gave her light and love and happiness, but Taako… Taako was everything to her. Without him, her heart had been scooped out of her chest. He was shade on a hot, summer day. Cool water when she was dying of thirst. She missed his dumb, snarky face when she said some fool shit. She missed relaxing together, counting the stars, one in the same but so, so very different. She missed filling the Starblaster’s kitchen with more bomb-ass food than any of them needed, but somehow, they ate it all anyway. She missed late nights of silence, heads in laps… He was temperance to the swell of her fiery soul, but without him, her fire had extinguished. What was he doing without her? Would he lose his way without her to anchor him? Would he lose himself forever, without his sister to chase the demons from his heart..?

Lup’s hands had found her face. She was crying. She never cried, but who was here to see her? Who was here to see this weakness..? To see her soul bore like a carcass split open, raw and bloody for no one to see, no one to help… no one to heal?

She would stitch herself back up with hands surgically steady. She would put herself back together. She would survive, as she had for so many years before now… she’d never had to survive alone, but she wouldn’t give up her hope. It was all she had. Her hope that dwindled like a candle caught in a cold wind… her hope that hung on a thread above the precipice of her own despair.

Lup had to hope, to believe, that she would see her loved ones again. 

Otherwise, she would cease to be. She would lose her mind, and in doing so, she would lose herself. She would lose herself to her own magic, to the magic that tethered her to her lich form…

And if she did that… if she truly gave up… if she quit and they came for her, if she quit and they found her, then she would never forgive herself.

In her dark home, far from her love, she rest. 

In a tomb she carefully crafted for herself, she would wait.

_She had to believe she would see them again._


End file.
